My roommate Jiří (hereafter it will be spelled Jiri) moved out today. I can't really explain how I feel about it but I think it's notable that my dreams last night were plagued with fear and anxiousness. One dream had me back at home, at College Park. I was back in familiar environments but felt alone and sad; like I was just in Prague the day before and that it had been taken away from me. As I woke up the fear only subsided a little, I still felt at home. It was only after I thought for a bit that I realized I was still in Prague; something that has become very much like home to me.
All through today I have been restless. Since the night's dreams and Jiri's departure I have felt a sudden urgency to do all the things I still want to do here. Even though I have about a month left the urgency was strong I felt that I almost couldn't be in class. I've calmed down a bit, but the still remains.
I'm sitting here now, writing, trying to figure out why I have this feeling--or more importantly-- why Jiri leaving has caused it. I've looked back at our relationship and I really can't make much sense of it.
When I first got here he was pleasant enough and despite being pretty different we got along fine. We kept to ourselves and were equally considerate to each other. Jiri was really into mountain climbing and would be gone most of the day and some of the evenings. While a lot of people in the dorm thought Jiri was creepy, he was always very nice and normal to me. I chalked it up to a cultural difference. Maybe something was lost in translation; I don't know. His English isn't very good and when he asked to borrow For Whom the Bell Tolls I thought he wasn't reading it but apparently has been struggling to understand it.
At the beginning of the program he came out with us a few nights but after one trip home on the weekend he said that he quit drinking for personal reasons. Apparently, something very sad had happened that made him not want to drink anymore. Then, a few weeks later he was having a beer in his room. Thereafter I offered him a beer on a few occasions and he gladly took it.
While we got along well during the weeks he was rarely here over the weekends. He always told me that his home town was beautiful and that he wanted to be there on the weekends and climb. On the few occasions he was in Prague I was usually traveling so we rarely had weekends together. He also made a habit of leaving for long periods of time. The university system is different here and when his classes ended he picked up and left for a good two weeks. I had no idea where he was but figured he was off climbing somewhere. He finally came back one random night saying that he had been climbing somewhere in Europe.
Things gradually returned slightly to normal other than a few strange incidents where he weirdly pushed food on me. On day, he came back with a bunch of half eaten sandwiches that he had gotten at a conference or something. When I said I wasn't hungry he told me I wasn't allowed to be malnourished here so I ate them. When I asked what one paste was made of he looked sad and asked if I didn't like it. It tasted fine and I wasn't that interested so I ate it anyway. There was a similar incident with some baked goods made by his mom and I ate those too.
When he returned from his trip he also seemed to have a change of heart about being a terrible Czech buddy and told me that suddenly we were going to do things together; that I was going kayaking with him and that we was going to organize a skydiving excursion. CIEE didn't allow him to go forward with the skydiving proposal and he was pretty mad. Maybe this made him decide to go back to being a Czech buddy; I don't know. Either way, he was always a lot more friendly with me after that and we would ask each other how the other's day was and exchange other random pleasantries.
After only a few weeks Jiri said his classes we over again and that he'd be gone climbing. He left once again and since that point he hasn't been at the dorm for more than two or three days at a time. At one point he mentioned that he was going to be in New York but I was still going to be here so we couldn't meet up. During his prolonged absences I heard random rumors from people that his sister was sick or whatnot. I lived more or less alone for a good while, by now accepting the fact that I had a crazy roommate who was never there and enjoying the de facto single I was given.
The last two Jiri experiences went like this:
One random Monday night Jiri comes back after saying he'll return on Sunday. He comes back and goes right to bed. The next day at around 4 pm he comes into the room telling me it's too nice to stay in Prague and that he's leaving to climb.
After being gone for a few days Jiri returns for a brief period then leaves again. The very next day he is suddenly back and he tells me that he is leaving for good the next day. That was yesterday.
Today, Jiri woke up early, packed all of his things and left. We said goodbye and I wished him a happy time in New York and he said that he hoped I enjoyed the rest of my time in Prague.
I'm sitting here in room, like I said before, typing, and the room feels so empty. Before, when Jiri was gone his things were still here and I at least felt like I had a roommate. Now, half the room is empty and I guess I'm finally hit with the reality that the program is ending. Jiri, who was never really a major factor in my time here, has had a greater effect than I originally thought.
I also find it strange that he left in such a hurry. He left a pair of hiking boots, a hat and some towels here. Was his sister really sick in New York? Maybe, but then again he has always been a bit mysterious about his goings on. The suddenness of all this happening certainly hasn't helped either. I'm writing this partly to come to grips with everything that's going on and to put everything in perspective.
I thought about it today and realized that I don't think I even have a picture of Jiri yet alone a picture of us together. I was a bit sad about this a first but then I figured that this was more or less appropriate for someone who was such a mystery for the entire time I knew him. We used to joke about Jiri being a mystery but it has finally hit me that he really is quite an enigma. But despite that--maybe because I don't want to leave Prague and that's what he symbolizes--I'm still sitting here missing him a little more than I thought I would.
That's so sad! I hope we meet some day so we can talk...
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